Trust, etc...

I don't trust dark-skinned, dark-haired women who don't have hair on their legs.

I feel like they're trying to hide something other than hirsuteness.

I realise that this may sound racist and/or misogynist. It's not. I ALSO don't trust white men who walk around in business suits in 30 degree weather (That's Celsius, by the way. Do whatever you have to do to convert it if you need to. I think you're supposed to double it, add 30, move to Arkansas, buy a nice house and get a dog... Or something like that).

Just to be clear, I  don't trust white men in business suits IN GENERAL but the ones who walk around in them in 30 degree (Celsius) weather are definitely trying to hide something and I'm pretty sure it's not their hirsuteness...

I also don't trust Voodoo priests and priestesses. Again, this isn't a black/white thing. It's a fucking VOODOO thing.

I know, I know... Voodoo is a religion, and just like every other religion, it has its own inherent creepy rituals and iconography. But zombies? Really?

Yes, the argument could be made that Christianity is also based on a zombie-like premise, but at least Christians don't use Zombie Jesus to do shit like scare people for them.

Wait a second. That's actually pretty much the entire foundation of the Christian religion, isn't it?

The main difference for someone like me - who actually doesn't know much about religions - is that no one ever made an "Angel Heart" or a "Serpent and the Rainbow"-type movie about Christianity.

I know what you're thinking (Relax... I don't really, I'm no Voodoo priest). If you're over 35 and watched a lot of movies in the 80s, you're saying, "Actually Judes... The entire plot of "Angel Heart" revolves around Christian notions of the struggle between good and evil and trying to find redemption in a world where Satan (the Devil) meddles in human affairs..." I see your point, but you need to breathe more when you talk. Seriously. It will make you feel better. Also, you should look into that nasal tone of yours. It's unbecoming.

But let's face facts: The parts of "Angel Heart" that you remember the most - the ones that are burned into the splinter of your mind's eye - are the ones that involve a naked Lisa Bonet dancing naked as she cuts a chicken's throat and rubs all over her shiny, sweaty body and....

You know what? Now that I think about it, I actually kind of like Voodoo priestesses.

And dark-haired, dark-skinned ladies who don't have hair on their legs...


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